Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He felt like a one man threesome
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
