I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
