her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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