Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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