Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
