Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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