I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
