five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
