I just saw a hot homeless man
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize