Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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