You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
