No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
