Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
