the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
