eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
