I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
