i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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