he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
