Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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