And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
