covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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