Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
