It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
