It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
