I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
