You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
