she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
