I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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