my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
