And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
