I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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