Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
