My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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