Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
