Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
