saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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