Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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