normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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