remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
