So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
