I faked an abortion last night.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
