Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
