Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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