Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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