she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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