i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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