Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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