There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
