Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
