Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
